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Saturday 22 December 2012

3 Common Obstacles

3 Common Obstacles That Keep People Stuck in Perfectionism, and How to Overcome Them

by HENRIK EDBERG

Image by Mike Bailey-Gates (license).
“Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.”
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.”
Edith Schaeffer
One of the most common and destructive thought habits but also one that is often celebrated in some form in society is perfectionism.
I have had many battles with it. Many of you have emailed me about it throughout the years.
Perfectionism can be very destructive. It can drain one’s self-esteem and become so overwhelming that it gets you stuck. And so little action is taken and few things are ever finished.
So what can you do about it? How can you replace it and minimize it in your life?
In this article I’ll share three obstacles I have faced, how I have overcome them and how that has helped me to raise my own self-esteem and minimize the perfectionism.
Just going along with the perfectionism and not seeing the full extent of it.
If you just move along in the same old rut and don’t question the perfectionism and what it is doing to you then it will likely stay with you.
And that goes for any negative habit. You have to see it from a broader perspective. You have to see and feel what the real negative impact of it has been and will be to be able to change.
This often happens naturally at some point in people’s lives when they have had enough or a crisis hits and making a change becomes inevitable.
But you can get a broader view and wake-up call today if you like too.
Here’s what you do. Ask yourself:
  • How will my life look in 5 years if I continue to stay on the same perfectionist path as now?
  • How will life likely become worse for me and maybe even for the people around me?
It may be uncomfortable but try to see the negative consequences as vividly as you can in your mind to kickstart your motivation to get going for that positive change.
Try to not just to see the future as detailed and as vividly as you can but also to find your very personal reason(s) for making the change.
For example, minimizing the perfectionism will help you to improve your self-esteem. That is great. But to really find the heart of your motivation keep looking for a few more minutes for the more personal answer.
That answer could be that by finally getting a handle on the perfectionism your current or future relationship with a partner could become more relaxed and happy. Or maybe you want to make this change to not have to fear that you’ll transfer an unhealthy and self-esteem damaging habit to your daughter or son.
The habit of comparing yourself to other people.
When you compare yourself to someone else then you may feel good for a while. You are in better shape, have a nicer car or house or a better social life than someone else.
But if you do that comparison often then it becomes very hard to not start to compare yourself almost automatically in a negative way too. You may discover that someone at work else has an even cooler car than you. That the neighbor’s new boyfriend is in even better shape than you. That someone else makes more money than you.
And now you don’t feel so good anymore. And since there is always someone that is better than you at most things in the world this becomes a habit that may make you feel inferior no matter how well you do.
What you can do instead is to compare yourself to yourself. It won’t work every time but little by little – if you remind yourself of the benefits of doing this – you can replace the old habit.
When you feel the need to compare yourself and your progress to other people and their progress in some way then remind yourself of how it will hurt your self-esteem in the long run. And then take a minute or two to compare yourself to yourself instead. See how far you have come.
Appreciate the effort you have put in and be inspired by the small and bigger things you have accomplished so far.
An environment of inhuman standards.
Emotions are contagious. So is perfectionism.
So one of the smartest and most effective things you can do is to shape your environment to lessen the influence of perfectionism.
Take small steps and rearrange your world so that it becomes more and more supportive of you and of human standards rather than perfect standards.
Reduce the perfectionism in your world by reducing or cutting out the media sources that every week try to reinforce it in you. Read magazines, blogs, books and watch TV-shows and movies with kinder and more realistic expectations that resonate with you.
Spend less time with nervously perfectionist people. And spend more time with people who are trying to improve themselves and/or are living a good life in a positive, healthy and relaxed way.

The surprising truth about what motivates us...

Letters of Gratitude...

A little ANGEL !


It’s Good to Be a Kid


It’s Good to Be a Kid

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. When you watch children playing, notice how totally involved they are in what they’re doing, how they run everywhere they go. Notice how they are oblivious to future problems almost as if they have given themselves permission to be free and they show it by becoming totally absorbed in their play. To be more childlike, you don’t have to give up being an adult. The fully integrated person is capable of being both an adult and a child simultaneously. Recapture the childlike feelings of wide-eyed excitement, spontaneous appreciation, cutting loose, and being full of awe and wonder at this magnificent universe.
Here’s what kids know how to do best:

Laugh!
The child in you, like all children, loves to laugh, to be around people who can laugh at themselves and life. Children instinctively know that the more laughter we have in our lives, the better. They will go out of their way to linger with anyone who makes them laugh, who can go along with their jokes.

Keep Fantasy Alive
Children love to dream, to make up stories, use their imaginations—and so would you if you’d let yourself. Remember how you loved to draw, make up verses, or songs, hear stories, make up your own games, wander aimlessly into your fantasy excursions with anyone who was willing to listen or participate? That rich fantasy life was not only great fun but also one of the healthiest aspects of your life as a whole. All of life’s best realities start with “childlike” fantasies.

Be Spontaneous
Notice how children are willing to try anything on a moment’s notice. The child inside you wants to be impulsive and adventuresome, without always having to plan things in advance. Spontaneity is in many ways the key to all childlike behavior. That ability to stop suddenly by the roadside when something interesting catches your eye leads directly to childlike immediacy and “wonder in the face of the world.”

Accept the World as It Is (Be Trusting)
When the infant comes into the world, it has no thought that the world can or should be any different from what it is. The infant just opens its eyes in wonder and fascination at what is out there and makes its way in that world as best it can. The child inside of you knows how to take things as they come, how to deal most effectively and happily with everything and everyone it encounters on this planet. If you can recapture that childlike essence of your being you can stay “forever young at heart.”
These glorious childlike qualities that can help you enjoy your life each and every day are no further from you than your fingers are from your hands. They are an inalienable part of you. If you really love that child within you, and really care to be a child again in the ways I’m talking about, you cannot help but be at peace with yourself.
When you have inner peace, you can do just about anything. Give yourself more of that childlike inner peace today, by letting yourself be that spontaneous, in-the-moment, fun-loving child again. Or, as Friedrich Schiller put it, “Keep true to the dreams of thy youth.”

Thursday 25 October 2012

YOUR...Journey!

The Key to Happiness

I came across is very interesting article by Brian Tracy...

Your ability to achieve your own happiness is the key measure of your success, of how well you are doing as a person.

You learn the key to happiness that has been the same through all of history. You learn how to dispel the two myths that may be holding you back and how to achieve more happiness in everything you do.

1. Dedicate Yourself to Your Best Talents

The key to happiness is this: dedicate yourself to the development of your natural talents and abilities by doing what you love to do, and doing it better and better in the service of a cause that is greater than yourself.

This is a big statement and a big commitment. Being happy requires that you define your life in your own terms and then throw your whole heart into living your life to the fullest. In a way, happiness requires that you be perfectly selfish in order to develop yourself to a point where you can be unselfish for the rest of your life.

2. Please Yourself First

In Edmond Rostand's play Cyrano de Bergerac, Cyrano is asked why he is so intensely individualistic and unconcerned with the opinions and judgments of others. He replies with these wonderful words: "I am what I am because early in life I decided that I would please at least myself in all things."

Your happiness likewise depends upon your ability to please at least yourself in all things. You can be happy only when you are living your life in the very best way possible. No one can define happiness for you. Only you know what makes you happy. Happiness is an inside job.

3. Your Happiness is Up to You

The biggest myth about happiness is when people say that it is not legitimate or correct for you to put your happiness ahead of everyone else's. Throughout my life, I've met people who have said that it is more important to make other people happy than it is to make yourself happy. This is nonsense.

The fact is that you can't give away to anyone else what you don't have for yourself. Just as you can't give money to the poor if you don't have any, you can't make someone else happy if you yourself are miserable.

The very best way to assure the happiness of others is to be happy yourself and then to share your happiness with them. Suffering and self-sacrifice merely depress and discourage other people. If you want to make others happy, start by living the kind of life and doing the kind of things that make you happy.

Action Exercises

Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, define for yourself the activities that you really love and enjoy, at home and work, and then organize your life so you do more of them.

Second, believe in yourself and trust your own feelings. Then, please at least yourself in all things.

Third, determine what it is that you do that brings the most happiness to others and then organize your life so that you can do more of it.

Sunday 9 September 2012

Will Smith on the Law of Attraction

C H O O S E ........


Stay Vulnerable Even When It Hurts


Stay Vulnerable Even When It Hurts

by lollydaskal in Blog, Lead From Within, Personal Development, Purpose
  
 
Each day that we make choices about our life and we don’t admit our vulnerability, we are robbing ourselves of our humanity.  
 
Vulnerability is as much a part of being human as is strength.  
 Many of us have been conditioned to be strong.  

 Many of us have been encouraged not to ask for help.  
 Many of us have been persuaded not need anyone.  
 
To be human is to discover we can be vulnerable and still be strong.  
 
We can ask for help and still lead and we can need others and still be tenacious.  
 Most creative, innovative, visionary people have been people who have lived their lives by serendipity, inspiration and vulnerability.  
 You may feel that you have tried too many times too many things, or maybe you have been judged too harshly in the past and you have lost the innocence to stay vulnerable.  
 
It takes a strong person to live openly in their vulnerability.  
 Admitting that you don’t have to solve every problem you face is strong.  
 Allowing yourself to say, “I don’t have to fix every problem is strong”  
 
In times of vulnerability:  
 
Read biographies’ of others: see how others have struggled through their fragile moments and survived.  
 • Start journaling: see where you need to remain open and admit your fragility, admitting vulnerability creates intimacy.  
 • Begin self reflection: taking the time to go inward, begins with you, it gives you the answers are seeking.
 
You can’t solve a problem you won’t face.  
 You can't protect yourself against possible hurt.  
 
This world is about taking in not shutting out.  
 In order to find your way, you have to pay close attention to the signs about when you feel you want to shut down and hide behind those messages: I don’t need you. I can do this by myself. 
 We must reenter the truth of what is really going on and be honest.  
 We must stay vulnerable.  
 
We cannot fear what lies within us, we can only love ourselves long enough to accept ourselves.  
 
Lead From Within: The strongest people are the ones that can withstand their vulnerability and honor the balance about remaining open and being vulnerable.

Wednesday 22 August 2012

10 Life-Enhancing Things You Can Do in Ten Minutes or Less


10 Life-Enhancing Things You Can Do in Ten Minutes or Less - by Barton Goldsmith

 It usually takes us much longer to change our moods than we’d like it to take. Here are ten things you can do in ten minutes or less that will have a positive emotional effect on you and those you love.

1.    Watch "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. See it online at Oprah.com. This is a deeply moving segment that may be the best ten minutes you've ever invested in front of a computer.

2.    Spend a little while watching the sunset with your mate. Nothing extra is necessary. Just sit and take in the natural beauty of the sky and appreciate being able to share it with the one you love.

3.    Sit quietly by yourself. It doesn't really matter where or when. Just let your feelings bubble up and then experience the thoughts flowing out of your mind. Clearing your head and heart will give extra eneryou gy to get through the rest of the day.


4.    Write a thank you note to your mate. When was the last time you thanked your partner for just being who he or she is and being with you? Doing this in writing will give your partner something to cherish for the rest of his or her life.

5.    Take out your oldest family photo album and look through it.The experience will fill you with fond memories and perhaps make you a bit wistful for days gone by.
6.    Play with a child. Most kids have short attention spans; ten minutes of quality time from a loving adult can make their day. It will also help you stay in touch with the child inside of you.

7.    Visualize or imagine a positive outcome for any issue. Medical doctors recommend visualization to patients with chronic and potentially fatal illnesses. If it can help them, it can do the same for you. 

8.    Go to bed with the one you love ten minutes earlier than usual. Then spend that time just holding each other. Let the feeling of warmth from your mate move through you.

9.    Hang out by some water. Studies show that hospital patients who can see a natural body of water from their beds get better at a 30 percent faster rate. If you're not near the coast or a lake, try taking a bath. Doing so is also healing.

10.  Get your body moving. Shake, twist, and jump around. Let yourself feel the joy of moving to your favorite music, or just the sounds in your head. Run, walk, and bike to your hearts content. You will live longer and love it more.
Sadly, many people measure happiness by how long the experience lasts. The truth is that a few minutes of joy here and there can make a big difference in what you get out of life

.

Daily Schedule for Happiness...


Saturday 18 August 2012

Belief


Mark Twain’s Top 9 Tips for Living a Kick-Ass Life


Mark Twain’s Top 9 Tips for Living a Kick-Ass Life

by HENRIK EDBERG
Mark Twain’s Top 9 Tips for Living a Kick-Ass Life“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”
“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.”
You may know Mark Twain for some of his very popular books like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He was a writer and also a humorist, satirist and lecturer.
Twain is known for his many – and often funny – quotes. Here are a few of my favourite tips from him.
1. Approve of yourself.
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behaviour and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want.
This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there.
What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting.
Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you.
So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.
2. Your limitations may just be in your mind.
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think.
And people pick up on that and may react in negative ways. Or you may interpret anything they do as a negative reaction because you are so fearful of a bad reaction and so focused inward on yourself.
If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life.
It is, for instance, seldom too late to do what you want to do.
3. Lighten up and have some fun.
“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”
“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”
Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere.
And a lighter mood is often a better space to work in because now your body and mind isn’t filled to the brim with negative emotions. When you are more light-hearted and relaxed then the solution to a situation is often easier to both come up with and implement. Have a look at Lighten Up! for more on this topic.
4. Let go of anger.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
Anger is most of the time pretty pointless. It can cause situations to get out of hand. And from a selfish perspective it often more hurtful for the one being angry then the person s/he’s angry at.
So even if you feel angry at someone for days recognize that you are mostly just hurting yourself. The other person may not even be aware that you are angry at him or her. So either talking to the person and resolving the conflict or letting go of anger as quickly as possible are pretty good tips to make your life more pleasurable.
5. Release yourself from entitlement.
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
When you are young your mom and dad may give a lot of things. As you grow older you may have a sort of entitlement. You may feel like the world should just give you what you want or that it owes you something.
This belief can cause a lot of anger and frustration in your life. Because the world may not give you what expect it to. On the other hand, this can be liberating too. You realize that it is up to you to shape your own life and for you to work towards what you want. You are not a kid anymore, waiting for your parents or the world to give you something.
You are in the driver’s seat now. And you can go pretty much wherever you want.
6. If you’re taking a different path, prepare for reactions.

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”
I think this has quite a bit of relevance to self-improvement.
If you start to change or do something different than you usually do then people may react in different ways. Some may be happy for you. Some may be indifferent. Some may be puzzled or react in negative and discouraging ways.
Much of these reactions are probably not so much about you but about the person who said it and his/her life. How they feel about themselves is coming through in the words they use and judgments they make.
And that’s OK. I think it’s pretty likely that they won’t react as negatively as you may imagine. Or they will probably at least go back to focusing on their own challenges pretty soon.
So what other people may say and think and letting that hold you back is probably just fantasy and barrier you build in your mind.
You may find that when you finally cross that inner threshold you created then people around you may not shun you or go chasing after you with pitchforks. :) They might just go: “OK”.
7. Keep your focus steadily on what you want.
“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”
What you focus your mind on greatly determines how things play out. You can focus on your problems and dwell in suffering and a victim mentality. Or you can focus on the positive in situation, what you can learn from that situation or just focus your mind on something entirely else.
It may be “normal” to dwell on problems and swim around in a sea of negativity. But that is a choice. And a thought habit. You may reflexively start to dwell on problems instead of refocusing your mind on something more useful. But you can also start to build a habit of learning to gain more and more control of where you put your focus.
8. Don’t focus so much on making yourself feel good.
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
This may be a bit of a counter-intuitive tip. But as I wrote yesterday, one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel good or to help them in some way.
This is a great way to look at things to create an upward spiral of positivity and exchange of value between people. You help someone and both of you feel good. The person you helped feels inclined to give you a hand later on since people tend to want to reciprocate. And so the both of you are feeling good and helping each other.
Those positive feelings are contagious to other people and so you may end up making them feel good too. And the help you received from your friend may inspire you to go and help another friend. And so the upward spiral grows and continues.
9. Do what you want to do.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Awesome quote. And I really don’t have much to add to that one. Well, maybe to write it down and keep it as a daily reminder – on your fridge or bathroom door – of what you can actually do with your life.

Your "Character" is a Muscle in Need of Exercise as much as Your Body

Thursday 2 August 2012

Happy RIO


5 Ways to Keep Your Words from Sabotaging Your Success


5 Ways to Keep Your Words from Sabotaging Your Success Success Magazine

Success often comes to those who know what to say, when to say it and how to say it. And those with talent who don't communicate effectively often never get the satisfaction of fulfilling their potential.
In the busyness of life and work, we can sometimes forget the impact of our words. A few words spoken hastily can ruin a relationship or an opportunity. So can a few words gone unspoken. Sometimes the people around you need to hear you speak clearly about where you stand on certain issues or how you feel about them. The missing piece that will solidify success is in your relationships, job or entrepreneurial endeavors may be right under your nose! I have five simple ideas to share with you this week about the words that come out of your mouth:


1. Learn when to be quiet. Some of us are more inclined to speak than others, but those who find the most success are often those who know when to be quiet. There may be a situation in your life right now that is hindered and not helped by more talking. Don't be afraid of silence. Sometimes life's best answers appear when we are quiet enough to listen.


2. Give yourself time to think. We have all heard the saying, "think before you speak." Consider this a reminder that it is always wise to consider the impact your words will have after they are spoken. Think of the best way to communicate what you need to say before you even open your mouth. Even when you are in a conversation and must respond immediately, take a few seconds first to gather your thoughts. You will come across as being more thoughtful and you will feel more confident about what you say. If you need more time to think about how to respond, simply say, "Let me give that some thought."


3. Refuse to murmur and complain. We can always find something to complain about if we focus on the negative. Make a decision to appreciate the blessings in every situation and refuse to waste your words complaining and murmuring. Instead, ask, "What solution would help me eliminate the challenges I find myself complaining about?" Complaints drain your energy - and the energy of the people around you! Use your words to renew your energy, not deplete it.


4. Tell me something good! In the seventies, Chaka Khan had a funky song that became her first hit, "Tell me somethin' good." I still love to sing it when I hear it on the radio. A couple of months ago, I wrote a newsletter asking you to ask yourself and others everyday, "What's the best thing that's happened to you lately?" Are you still asking yourself that question regularly? Stay in the habit of acknowledging the good things that are going on, so that you don't find your conversation out of balance and focused solely on the negative realities you may face.


5. Speak your goals into existence. One of the most common reasons many people never reach their goals is that they don't really believe they can. Not only do they not believe it, but they speak negatively about their chances for success. Sometimes you have to speak your way into believing all that is possible for you. Speak positively about your vision for your life. "I will accomplish my goal by doing XYZ ...". Even if you hear your doubts swirling around in your head ("You can't do that!" "Who do you think you are?!"), refuse to verbalize them. Eventually your thoughts will catch up with your words!
Challenge to you this week: Identify one way in which your words are hurting you more than helping you. Take a specific action to change that dynamic...

Monday 30 July 2012

Listen...

"A wise old owl sat on an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren't we like that wise old bird?."

6 Principles To Increase Positive Thinking



Hi came across this great article, thought you all may find it interesting...

Blog about Happiness
If your feeling a bit under the weather start blogging about how to become more joyful. Even if it may not be your niche or even something your readers would appreciate. It will cause you to think happy thoughts first before you write thus changing your shift of emotion into a positive direction. Creating a positive snowball effect which can last the rest of the day if you put forth the effort.

Write out your feelings
Don't ever underestimate to power of venting your emotions on a piece of paper. Doing this clears the mind from all negativity leaving your canvas unpainted. After you have written down your emotions, tear the piece of paper apart. Make a solemn oath to start thinking positive today with confidence and positive expectancy. 

Smile Please
Today, give a glorified smile to every one you meet and greet. If you see a person walking towards you show those carnivore teeth by saying "How are you doing today". Don't be afraid to stop for a friendly conversation with this stranger. Remember like attracts like so if you feel attracted to this person dig in deep by asking them questions to create genuine interest.

Bask in life
Stop and smell the roses before you enter your office today. You may have a lot on your mind such as the rent, kids tuition fees or a mouth to feed. Yet this should not stop you from enjoying life on this abundant planet. We live in a universe where anything is possible as long as we believe it can be achived. Take the time out today to just appreciate life's glory by sitting next to a pond, riding you bike down a trail or whistling your favorite tune down the block.

Act
Change your current physiology by physically walking as if you were unstoppable and confidence. Act like this for an entire day with the intention of keeping your attitude focused on how to think positive. Perform this action long enough can create long lasting changes with a side effect of pure enjoyment.

Creative visualization
Start creating mental images in your mind which make you smile not frown. Feel these fantasies as if they have already happened. Doing this daily activities once you wake up in the morning and before you fall into your dream world will work wonder for your attitude. You will begin to wake up each day happy and energetic. Its a great way to learn how to be positive.

Did these tips help? Let me know give in your feedback I'm all ears for improvements and here to serve you all...... Thanks!